i no longer live my life in days, weeks or months; i live by fertility cycles. today isn’t Sunday; today is ovidrel day which incidentally means insemination is Tuesday. oddly enough i have been relatively unaffected by this cycle. following an ivf cycle, an iui isn’t nearly as complicated or consuming (a mere 5 visits to Cincinnati for doctor vs 10 for our last ivf). a breeze! honestly, for the first time ever I’ve almost forgotten to give myself the shots a few nights (no worries — I eventually remembered). it’s just not as consuming this round — maybe because my expectations are quite low or maybe because i’m really starting to get so exhausted and worn down from the whole process. whatever it is, maybe this somewhat blasé approach will help. it can’t hurt and we know my usual overly stressed style hasn’t worked as of yet.
even the announcement of two friends being pregnant (via Facebook, no doubt) didn’t affect me as usual. maybe i’m really getting closer to the end of this process. we’re in the home stretch of this cycle, but i think i’m also in the homestretch of the entire quest. i’m starting to really consider our life sans child, and i’m no longer completely terrified by it. i want my life back.