october 31: a big day!

previous post 10.31.11:

today was a BIG day in our new baby world — in a couple of ways. first, and most important, i went to my first ultrasound at dr. a’s office in Cinci. despite having the 6-week ultrasound done last week by our friend/ob, i was still a complete wreck. for the first time, the 3.5ish drive to went way too fast — in my heart i just keep waiting for the bottom to fall out of our excitement. after all, that’s what we’ve been trained to expect after the years of failed attempts.

it was a different feeling walking into their office this time — i wasn’t there for a baseline scan, blood work, status appt, retrieval, etc. i was (and am at least for the time being) there as one of their successful patients. words cannot express that feeling — they just don’t exist. pure gratefulness, appreciation and fortune for our current state, mixed with heart-wrenching pain for those “new” couples in the waiting room, mixed with utter fear and terror of what i may/mash not see in a few moments.

and then i saw it again — our little baby’s heartbeat pounding away. bigger than last week and very much a baby (still one!).

a small weight lifted again– although I’m pretty sure the weight i feel will linger forever now in some form. this weight will be exchanged the day with give birth to a healthy baby for a whole different weight of worry for our child. but i am more than okay with that. afterall, i always have and will be a worrier so i am pretty use to the feeling. 🙂

and, on a lighter note, a second big baby milestone occurred today. i made my first baby item purchase — a baby bag! it seems only appropriate that i purchased a bag as my first item EVER…and it felt amazing! my husband looked at me like i was insane — after all, we’re 7 weeks pregnant, but i needed to do this for me. to me, this made it just as real as seeing the heart beating on the ultrasound. i purchased something (something amazing i might add!) for our baby. this is real. and we are mesmerized with bliss and fear.

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