i will never forgot

yes, i’m pregnant. and, yes, we’re thrilled. nothing makes me happier than hearing my husband tell someone. the look on his face is precious and will forever be engrained in my mind as one of my happiest memories.

but, i’ll never forgot the journey that got us here. i’ll never forget the 3.5 years of fear, tears, appointments, shots, schedules and helplessness. never.

currently i have several friends still struggling.

one was in her two week wait and found out this morning it was unsuccessful and hearing her fears/thoughts/google-obsession of symptoms brings back a rush of (bad) memories. my heart hurts for her. another is in the midst of her medication cycle to do ivf after the first of the year — that feeling of hope and terror is something i’ll never forget. another is taking a little time off after a miscarriage — i know too well that feeling of needing time off but it’s also so hard because you feel stuck and helpless. and another friend is trying to determine their next steps — after a hard ivf cycle (with my old doctor whom i do NOT like), she is doing natural treatments and considering another ivf with dr. a (my love). and, i cannot forget the countless blog “friends” i follow who are still in the midst of their journey at various stages.

i bring these girls up because they are such an important part of where i am today. my heart goes out to them (and anyone/everyone in their shoes) every day. i am very sensitive to the fact that while everyone is so happy for our success, it is still hard to swallow when you are on the other side of the fence. it’s that constant feeling of being in a fishbowl and watching the world around you move forward while you sit still.

i know in my heart these girls will have success in some way — whether it be conceiving a child with iui/ivf/donor egg/sperm; or adoption; or (as some may choose) deciding to go down a different path altogether. only they can make the decision of just how far to go and how long to keep going. my only hope is that our success can give them a glimmer of hope to hold on to as they go through the various stages of their cycles. it’s their turn now…and i just know it will work.

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