as a couple who is going (or has gone) through fertility treatments, you know that the woman is the one who bears the brunt of it. we have to attend the appointments for baseline scans, blood work, monitoring, retrieval, transfer, etc. we have to take our temperatures every morning and dutifully chart them. we have to watch our caffeine intake and alcohol consumption. we take the gigantic, nasty-smelling, nausea-inducing prenatal vitamins daily. we inject ourselves with massive amounts of hormone drugs. we incur the inevitable bloating, discomfort, weight gain, headaches that accompany the hormones. and, last but not least, when it doesn’t work we get to have a week of bleeding. so, it’s fair to say that we deal with the bulk of the shitwork that accompanies infertility. and, because of this, we get a free pass to bitch and complain (sorry guys).
however, it isn’t all rainbows and lollipops for our other half either. i think sometimes we forget just how hard it is on our husbands (and it probably doesn’t help that with all my bitching, my husband wasn’t always able to get a word in edgewise). that combined with the typical male “avoidance is best” mentality means they sometimes just choose to keep their feelings bottled up inside instead of sharing what the process is doing to them.
fortunately, we have a great therapist we’ve seen for years (and i can only hope you all do too). she knew us before we even started trying to have a child and has been with us every step of the way. in fact, she was about the 4th person to know we were pregnant! but, despite having a therapist who makes us recognize/discuss what this process does/did to him, it’s sometimes refreshing for us (and them) to hear about it from other men. a fellow “therapy” friend shared this article (written by Paul Ford) with me and i had to pass it along. it was one fertility article even my husband enjoyed (and shared with some friends!).