i feel like most of my days (and posts) are very upbeat and positive (with a bit of reality swirled in). today’s is not and i’m sorry. i woke up on the wrong side of the bed (or maybe not really sleeping from 3am on is the cause of my mood) and it’s made me weary and annoyed. i am so mad at my body right now. I try hard to take care of my body and do positive self talk — after all it did finally give me eli and i am forever thankful. but sometimes you just can’t help be annoyed and a little envious of others. this is one of those times. up until now breastfeeding has gone ok. I’ve been able to keep up with Eli’s needs (just barely as he has to eat every two hours still to stay full and i really think that is a direct correlation of how small my boobs are / how little “extra” milk i produce). i can still keep up with him in person, but now that i’ve started back to work it makes pumping imperative. and this is where the problem lies. my body rejects the pump. it will not produce more milk. I’ve been on a prescription medicine (domeperidone) for over a week now and barely notice a difference. i have many friends who saw great increases in their milk with this supplement within a couple days and I’m hoping (but not overly hopeful at this point) it will for me too. i know it’s not the end of the world if i have to supplement with formula — i mean it’s that or he goes hungry which isn’t an option. it just makes me very angry with my body. my body just doesn’t seem to naturally do what it should without medical intervention. and yes i am well aware that stressing about it will only make matters worse — it’s like my boobs know when I’m stressed and refuse to give in to the pump. damn boobs (i’m buying new ones down the road).
this is not to say i am giving up…i am still taking the meds and storing every 1/2 oz i can squeeze out. but knowing i have to leave at least 25 oz for a day of work away and knowing i can usually only pump max 5oz a day…well, the math just doesn’t add up and it doesn’t bode well.
so that’s my rant for the day.
i will close by saying I realize this is an amazing problem to have considering this time last year i never dreamed i’d ever even have this as something to worry about. so, i am blessed and it’s by no means the end of the world if i have to supplement. i am holding in my arms the most precious gift of all and that is what really matters.
Perspective is a great thing.