i did it (kind of)

i am currently 10K feet in the air…flying home from vail. this means two things:

1) i actually made it on the plane TO vail (this is huge as i was still uncertain up until the moment they closed the cabin doors on sunday after crying the whole drive to nashville!)
2) i am headed home early since it’s tuesday and my original flight was scheduled for wednesday night.

in a nutshell, i was doing pretty well on the flight out (besides placing myself behind a 14 month old child…just to torture myself since eli wasn’t with me and i was having major withdrawl). i made it to denver, did fine on the 2+ hour ride to vail, made it to the vail gondala club to meet up with the group (all the while, finding very interesting places to pump/store breast milk). i sipped (ahem – chugged) a couple glasses of wine at the club while chatting with the group. i thought, “i can do this!”.

and then, the bottom fell out. we were driving back to the house a few hours later and i realized i forgot my breast pump cord (important!) at the club. i also had a raging headache (hello altitude coupled with lack of sleep and a few drinks) and a pretty awesome upset belly (stress/altitude no doubt). so, i did what anyone would do (well, any girl/mom…who is a wee bit on the emotional side like me), i started crying. the next few hours were spent faking smiles and pretending i was okay…all the while so homesick that all i could think about was getting home. so, in a frenzy, i rescheduled my flight home from wednesday night to Tuesday morning (hey, at least i didn’t book it for monday morning…after all this was all happening sunday evening!). this meant a few things…i had to spend an arm and a leg to change the flight and (more important) i had to cancel my pilates/spa day. THAT, my friends, is an indication of how much i missed eli. but,it also meant i had one solid full day in vail to relax and refresh.

it may sound crazy, but once i rescheduled my flight, i was golden. i think i just bit off more than i could chew for my first substantial time away from eli. a 3 hour flight and 3.5 hour drive away from him for my first extended time away may have been a bit too much for me. it’s all about baby steps apparently.

maybe if he hadn’t been sick the whole month of december it would have been okay. maybe if he hadn’t been diagnosed with an ear infection 24 hours before i left it would have been okay. maybe if he were sleeping through the night and i didn’t feel bad that my mom had to be up with him it would have been okay. maybe..maybe…maybe. but the reality is, i just wasn’t ready yet. i NEEDED a vacation. that was evident (hell, even the pediatrician told me to go…i looked THAT bad at the appointment). and, i got one. only it was on my terms and a little bit tweaked. once i moved my flight up 30 hours, i was good. it was all i needed. i was able to step back, breathe and enjoy. i had an amazing day in vail yesterday — pure barre class, sauna, facial, spray tan, cocktails, sushi — the works (i was able to bump up my spa services…and they rocked!). it was wonderful. and, pk and i got to enjoy time with our friends (together) and just have fun.

i looked at eli on the ibaby monitor more times than i care to admit; i facetimed with him at least a dozen times (plus “talked” to him on the phone another dozen – sorry gram/mom!); pumped in some pretty fantastic places (think: sushi restaurant bathroom next to the towel dispenser (i’d make a great bathroom attendant), airport bathroom, spa, etc); was a pumping nazi (my way of overcompensating for my fear of “drying up” while i was gone); drank quite a bit of wine and shed quite a few tears.

despite all the stress, tears and anxiety leading up to my trip, i was able to sincerely enjoy my 40 hours away. it was just what i needed. it was shorter than planned, but perfect for giving me a renewed burst of energy. baby steps!

and now, i am a mere 2 hours from snuggling/feeding/kissing my love.

i. can’t. wait.

oh, and thanks gram for staying with my most precious cargo. and, for all the pictures/videos/updates! knowing he was in great, loving hands made the trip (as it was) doable.

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